Pollen and Salt

I really miss the sea. I want to go to Key Largo sooooo bad. But I don’t think I can afford to. New duplex on campus, holla! I think I’m moving in Wednesday…

But oh, I’m going to be so broke. Especially if I keep breaking shit. Like my phone. I dropped it for the FIRST TIME at work, right into a friggen tub of water. Wooo. So I think I need a new one. It’s drying and trying to work, so I’m not sure just yet. Then there’s towels and dishes and stuff to buy. But I’m super stoked. It’ll be good, I think. I need to get out of my house, because me and mom have never gotten along better, haha.

Then there’s the problem with The Boy. It’s always a problem. If I was a smarter girl I would just quit him. But I can’t. Don’t you just love when someone matters more to you than you do to them? What a pain. But I’ve decided I enjoy him too much to end it; I figure I’ll just ride this train to the end of the rails, and when it ends it ends. I’ll heal. I always do. I just wish things were different. Maybe they would be, if I could just bring myself to say some of the things I think about it. I’m just too afraid it would all come to nothing, and that he’d leave me sooner.

This is the second time I’ve had to scrub the red from the floor while a member of my family gets taken away in an ambulance. It makes me hate this town and the shitty things it seems to bring about on people I love. It makes me resent them for keeping me pretty much in a state of crisis… and then I feel awful for resenting them for things that happen that are (sometimes) out of their control. Sometimes I just want to get the hell out of dodge and start over by myself. But I know I’m just not that brave.
I need to stop being such a puss about my heart hurting, haha.

In other news, I went to the gym and ran a whole bunch and got a great core workout too. I meant to do some pushups or something, so my arms become something more than useless. But I’m pretty sure my subconscious was like “mehhhh, I don’t think so” and it slipped my mind. Selective motivation, haha. I’m stoked about getting a bikini boddddd. I think I’m going to give tanning another shot. I simply don’t have the time on sunny days to lay outside…

And today I DID have time to nap, haha. Too bad the weather was terrible. Then I could have tried to get more color to my skin. But anyway- so I slept way more than I should have. And I had this dream about UL filling up Bourgeoise Gym with water, like the Romans did to the coliseum, and high schools brought ships and had like, fights/competitions in it. And I was so stoked that NWHS was coming- maybe I’d see some familiar faces. I saw Tony Selby- the last time I saw him was in jail, haha. And then a bunch of punks who were acting all ghetto and starting riots and shouting, and just generally embarrassing the hell out of me. It was just very vivid and strange. Nap dreams are crazy.

I also found a couple of options for living in Lafayette- me and Alison found a 2 br condo on the corner of College and Johnston, and I found some apartments on Congress, and then (just for me) Stefan may be vacating his room in his house off of Lamar… and it’s affordable.🙂 It’d be nice to not have to get up at ass o’clock in the morning to commute to class and work. I’m so stoked for this summer.


This is where I intend to find myself this summer. I’m so effing excited, for a real vacation for once, haha. I’ve been wanting to see this high rise city for as long as I can remember; it’s almost a shame that international students see more of my country that I have. I think I’m buying my tickets this week. They’re only like $200 something right now, this early.

what we’ll be doing:

july 10-12

july 10-12

VS july 18th.

And more people that I went to high school with might come, as well as some college friends. I’m going to be so blissed out.🙂


Sometimes, I think I just read too much into stuff.

Last week was basically a nonstop hangout jag. It was exhausting and exhilarating all at once. And it’s left me appropriately happy and confused, all at once. Between waking up for school at 6:30 am, and then work until about 6:00 pm, showers, homework, and hanging out until 12 or even as early as 4 am the next day really took their toll. Haha, I wish I could be that tough on a regular basis. It would lengthen my day by about 4 hours.

Thisoneguy was in town- someone I’ve been seeing and liking so far. Things started super fast, and so I slammed on the proverbial brakes, pretty much shooting down the ‘Girlfriend’ title and all his romantic intentions. And now I feel kind of retarded for making an issue of it, though I still recognize that I was completely justified in it. I’m leery of anyone who tries to get too close to me too fast. Plus, I have pretty much been Someone’s Girlfriend for a very long time; I’m not one to hop from boy to boy, and me and Zakhar have only been over since last December. It’s all so complicated, what’s right and wrong to my conscience in my head. So maybe I’m not retarded. Simply saying all of it makes this sound pretty trivial, though. But at this point, I’ve invested enough into this to where I’m tired of being “Well, I’m not your girlfriend, so it’s none of my business.” and of the strange looks and being unable to explain why certain people simply cannot keep being flirtatious with me. I want his business to be my busines. Is that bad? He said it’s there if I want it… So we’ll see how that goes.

In other news, I am kind of considering a change of job; Ali suggested I apply to work at Chase Bank as a part time teller. It would be nice, not having to get all dirtied up EVERY day, like at the lab. But I think I’m too comfy at the lab; plus I’m up for a raise. I found out the other day that JM is making like, 50 cents more than me… and he’d been hired all of a week before I was. I’m honestly kind of tired of KD (my boss) being such a sexist. And I almost wish JM would quit, so KD would appreciate me a little more. Who is the one who comes in after hours to do bitch work on her day off, after all? [/end rant]

I’m so stoked for the warm weather. I was invited to a barbecue/pool party this weekend. I didn’t go, because I was hanging out with Thatoneboy. But spring/summer season has definitely started. Time to start the tanning and the gym again. Not like I haven’t been needing to hit the gym anyway… Stop being so damn lazy, B! I just want to look bangin’, haha.

And now it’s seriously time to stop procrastinating, and do some calculus homework, haha- back to the grindstone. I’ll be so glad when school is over. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

beads and boobs, maaaaaan!

This was basically one of the most amazing weekends I’ve had in a long time. I have pretty rad friends. We partied it up until the sun came up. It was nice to just let go of things for a while.

And I’ve never been so concerned…Met someone. I’m not sure about things. He’s sweet. But I’m just so scared of ending up heartbroken. I know I need to stop walling people out someday… I’m just not sure I’m ready to do it now. And sometimes I really worry about things that are nothing. I just get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of this.

snow bunnyThis is a picture from my trip over winter break. It was spectacular. It snowed and was cold and not humid. The scenery was breathtaking and I played outside a lot. And my sinuses were clear for the first time since I moved to Louisiana.

I’m still getting over the shock of breaking up with him. It’s not that I’m not over it or that I miss being with him. As bad as it sounds, I just don’t. We were a bad fit from the beginning. But it’s just odd having empty holes in my life. I’m starting to fill them with school. and I’m hoping it gets better. I want to meet new people, and travel more.

I pretty much loved Pennsylvania, and want to move up north soon.